Being the only child of Bill and June Daravanis, I knew that I would, one day, become the caregiver of the people who cared for me. Since mom was four years younger and dad had been a smoker for many years, I figured that person would be my mother.
And then the phone rang.
Oct. 8, 2020, Amy and I had taken our grandchildren, Hector III and Emily, to Sonic after a day of “virtual school” at our house because of Covid. Actually it was Amy’s phone because I didn’t know that my phone had rung seconds earlier.
“It’s for you. You need to take this,” Amy said with a pale look on her face.
“Mr. Daravanis, this is Lieutenant (I don’t remember his name) with the Mesa (Arizona) police department. I’m sorry to inform you that your mother has passed away.”
The lieutenant said there were no signs of “foul play” and that my dad was physically fine, though understandably upset. He said he will stay with my dad until the coroner could take my mother’s body to the funeral home.
“Tell my dad that as soon as I can get Hector and Emily to their parents, Amy and I are coming down,” I said.
On hindsight, it was that moment when I took on a “parental” role with my father. I handled all the notifications with family, friends, mom’s doctors and her church; finalized the pre-determined arrangements with Mariposa Gardens cemetery; helped out-of-state family members with hotel accommodations; and wrote an obituary posted on the Mariposa Gardens website.
****
June Estelle (Stoker) Daravanis, 79, passed away peacefully at home in Mesa, AZ on Thursday, Oct. 8, 2020.
The only child of Robert and Helen (Boyer) Stoker, June was born on Jan. 21, 1941 in Gary, IN. She graduated from Horace Mann High School in Gary in 1958. She married fellow Horace Mann student and neighbor, William “Bill” Daravanis on Oct. 23, 1961, and the following year gave birth to their only child, Scott.
June was known among family and friends for making her own clothes, a talent she learned from her maternal grandmother, Estelle Boyer. She took her talents to the business world by altering formalwear at Dunhill Tuxedoes in Merrillville, IN for many years.
June and Bill relocated to Arizona in 1995 following Bill’s retirement from U.S. Steel and established residence in Mesa. June quickly got involved with the choir and Bell Team at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church in Chandler. June enjoyed meeting with family and friends; aerobics and Zumba; doing numerous activities with her grandson, Nikolas; and parasailing on the Colorado River. June’s family will forever fondly remember her “statuesque” zig-zagging down the ski slope in Wisconsin.
June is survived by her husband of nearly 59 years, William of Mesa; son Scott and daughter-in-law Amy Morales of Prescott Valley, AZ; grandson Nikolas (Brooke) Daravanis of Plainfield, IN; two sisters-in-law and a brother-in-law; a cousin, and numerous nieces and nephews.
****
My focus then went to my father. Plan B.
He was diagnosed with COPD many years ago which presented itself with occasional buildup of fluid in his lungs and forced multi-day hospital stays over the past three years. His second to last hospital admittance kept him away from mom’s funeral.
With the help of my son Nikolas and cousins Brian Palvas, Stephanie Litz and Ron Cool, we installed grab bars and a shower transfer chair for dad’s bathroom.
When my aunts and cousins went home after mom’s funeral, I would spend a day and 3/4 with dad in Mesa, then go home to Prescott Valley, about an hour-1/2 drive north, for a shower and change of clothes, and return the next morning. The first time I did that, dad admitted that during the night, he got up to go to the bathroom from his recliner, which is where he wanted to sleep. When he got to the kitchen, his legs gave out and he fell, almost hitting his head on a glass table. He said he crawled back to his recliner and peed in an empty water bottle. He wasn’t eating and getting weaker by the day. It was the first time I saw a look of fear on his face, so I signed him up for an Medical Alert “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up” emergency necklace. I didn’t give him a chance to argue with me.
I investigated Home Healthcare Agencies for the care and safety of dad’s home, and I began the process of signing him up for Meals on Wheels so he would get complete and healthy meals.
Thankfully Nikolas took some personal time from UPS in Indianapolis to help me with dad’s care and help me get him to his doctor for a post-hospital appointment. In doing so, Nik was passed over for a promotion to Supervisor during that time.
But dad had no desire to continue living without mom. As I wrote in her tribute, mom died two weeks before their 59th anniversary. They were rarely apart, and when they were, mom planned and worked ahead preparing meals that dad could heat and eat.
After the hospital stay that forced him to miss mom’s funeral, the hospital set him up for in-home physical and occupational therapy and twice-per-week shower assistance. He hated all of it. During what would become his last therapy session, his left leg began to spasm violently, and he said he couldn’t feel anything below his knee. His doctor thought he was having a stroke, and we called 911. Deep MRI and PET scans revealed a cancer cell in his left lung, most likely the cause of the lung infections, that had metastasized to three cancer cells in his brain.
“That’s it. No more. I don’t want any more tests and I don’t want any treatment. Put me in Hospice and let me go,” dad instructed.
That’s when I went with Plan C.
Noah Cook, manager of Haven Hospice Care in Scottsdale, AZ, helped me get dad to a residential care facility in Queen Creek south of Mesa and connected with Hospice nurse Paula Ginkel. He was there two-1/2 days and I sat with him in his room from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. each day. His limited abilities continued to decline and his last day I’m not sure he was aware of my presence.
Nov. 12, 2020, exactly five weeks after mom’s passing, I got the call that dad had passed sometime between the midnight and 6 a.m. bed-checks. I repeated the notification and funeral procedures I did with mom; mom’s minister, Father Dominque, led dad’s graveside service; and I edited the obituary to focus on dad.
***
William Louis “Bill” Daravanis, 82, of Mesa, AZ joined his beloved wife in Heaven on Nov. 12, 2020.
Born Dec. 1, 1937 in Chicago, IL, Bill was the second of four children of Louis and Angeline Daravanis. He graduated from Horace Mann High School in Gary, IN in 1956 and after getting a degree from DeVry Institute of Technology, began working as an Electronics Technician at U.S. Steel in Gary, retiring in 1995 after 36 years.
He married fellow Horace Mann student and neighbor, June Stoker, on Oct. 23, 1961 and the following year watched her give birth to their only child, Scott.
Bill was an avid fan of the Chicago Cubs, and paired up with Scott to win a couple of Father/Son bowling tournaments at Stardust Bowl in Merrillville, IN.
After his retirement from U.S. Steel, he and June moved to Mesa, AZ where they enjoyed the warm winters, hiking the many mountain trails, and arranging and participating in numerous summer activities with his only grandson, Nikolas.
June, Bill’s wife of nearly 59 years, preceded him in death on Oct. 8, 2020. He is survived by son Scott Daravanis and daughter-in-law Amy Morales of Prescott Valley, AZ; grandson Nikolas (Brooke) Daravanis of Plainfield, IN; sisters Irene Palvas of Mooresville, IN and Mary Daravanis of Denver, CO; brother Arthur Daravanis of Arvada, CO; nephews Brian Palvas and Ron (Rachel) and Mark Cool; and nieces Stephanie (Steven) Litz and Ashley (Kevin) Braney.
***
Thankfully, mom and dad had all of their cemetery arrangements established and set up a Family Trust for the handling and transfer of money, investments and property.
My job was done. Though it was for a short time, I don’t feel my efforts were in vain. I did the best I could.
Our time on Earth is limited. As the Bible says, they “ran their race(s)” and they “crossed the finish line.” And they’re together, always.
No comments:
Post a Comment